Vulnerable

- capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon

- open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc

- (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend

this is very difficult for me to do. it takes every ounce of energy in my cells to keep me from running away. i want to hide, cower, shield myself from being in a vulnerable state. so now i'm combatting my defenses and forcing myself to do what doesn't feel natural. it's enough to give me a migraine if i think about it for long. the anger and resentment tries to creep in, probably to protect, and i have to shake it off to come back to being vulnerable.