long way from home

feels wierd not to be on a plane this time of year. feels odd not to be my own soil, bringing back my taste buds to foods i love, and having people tell me how much i've changed. and yet i'm at "home" as i write this. in a recent conversation, i was telling someone how z will pick me up and take me home after work because i have to pack my things to go home because i'm staying there till i can drop my sister at the airport...because she's going home.

confused? yes indeed.

apparently, home is not where the heart is if u have multiple locations to call home. home is where i was born, home is where my family is, and home is where i live...fortunately or unfortunately, those are all geographically apart from each other. i've been home, been away from home, changed homes (BOY have i changed homes) and homes have changed me.

homes. have. changed. me.

this is the first time i've said this. or realized this. i still see my old houses in my dreams...the only house i have no recollection of is actually the house i was born in, because we moved out when i was 3 months old. i only know what it looks like from outside, which i'm sure is not what it looked like to begin with when i was born anyways.

my hiding place in this home, my happiest moment in that home, my worst memory in this home, my cat in that home, my cat in this home, my fish in that home, my baby chicks in this home, my family in that home, my freedom in this home, my boundaries in that home...

i take homesickness to a whole new level.