tic

the lower lid of my right eye flickers, fast, one two three four. then stops. it happens quickly, it pulsates to remind me of its existence, then goes away for a couple mins, hours, or even days. then it comes back.

the first time i noticed it was about a yr and a half ago, when it first happened. it was during a time of stress, finishing undergrad, working on my thesis, things going crazy in life...and there goes my right eye, telling me to slow down before my head explodes.

what a tempting thought to go away for a while...not from civilization, i can handle civilization, but from u and her and him. there's over-crowing everywhere, and i need my space, i value it.

my whole life has been about distance, so it's no surprise that i crave it every once in a while. i'll take my fluttering lid along with me and attempt to passify it over a pina colada and sun-tan lotion on an isolated beach somewhere.

i feel like it's straining my eye, as in my eye actually hurts...is that possible? can it compromise my vision? my ability to see things clearly, something i thought looked like an achievable feat, may be murky and blurred now. something transpired between the eye and the brain, and in their language lies the hostility that produced this tic.