paddle-ball

ever play paddle ball? the paddle with the ball attached to it with an elastic string that stretches out every time it touches the paddle surface?

that's me.

i'm like the ball, attached no matter how far i stretch out, bouncing back harder each time. reaching out to escape? or to force myself back? one thing's for sure, that string is made of some strong stuff, despite being all ragged and worn out.

it took me a long time as a kid to learn how to tie a bow-knot with the laces on my shoes...so i sort of came up with my own easy-way-out way of making it look the same. it worked, but it wasnt as strong. it was a facade...make it look the way it's supposed to without putting in the effort.

will the real pinocchio please stand up?

pivot

sipping on champagne
she looked
bright eyed
starry wonderful

slid a side-ways glance
teasing
yet tamed

provocative
her voice
carried forth
like a soulful melody

singing into the night
mouth open wide
starry wonderful

careful, tread lightly
she said

cross over
when you're ready
she said

hold out until
you can't take it
she said

smiling now
turning around
starry, starry
starry wonderful

trust vs. mistrust

i woke up this morning with a startling discovery.

i was thinking about u, and how things got to be so messed up and how people so close to u, so dear to u, could be hurt in this way. i thought back to ur past, influences from ur family that may have contributed to the person u r. u r not as open, flexible, modern and liberal as u would like to appear. when, in our heated arguement, u said "but it's you who is marrying him!", i couldn't believe that u and i were close, because how could someone who knows me so well say something like that? u r cowardly and insensitive, u r sexist and in denial. u believe that women r property, and that is why i dont trust u. u have failed to see the subtle and not-so-subtle ways u have oppressed, and i know it will be painful when i carve those out for u. u claim pride in keeping up ur "guard", well u failed to see it came with a price. u have a tendency to make promises u won't keep, perhaps they stem from the confusion u're in...u think "i don't know how i feel right now or how i will feel later, so let's just say whatever to shut this person up and i'll deal with it later." u've been selfish and made many mistakes and i cant let u do that anymore.

4-22-07

Karachi mornings are an exquisite experience for those who are fortunate enough to get a taste at dawn. On lusty April day, the sun glimmers teasingly from between the clouds. The wind caresses rusting wind-chimes tenderly, their soft melody wafting through the air. But other sounds are sharp in contrast; the crowing of a rooster in the distance seems to jump-start an entire choral of crowing crows and warbling song birds, with a cuckoo chiming in between a finches’ chirps. The morning song is barely disrupted by the rat-tat-tat-tat of a dying scooter, a milkman who got an early start on his daily route. The smell of honeysuckle, periwinkles, and sand tingle the olfactory system like a warm fuzzy blanket. The birds call out, fighting each other between electric wires on shabby poles for each other’s breakfast. A lazy bumble-bee floats in mid-air, humming its own tune, texturing the layers of song. The tall palms trees’ leaves swish back and forth in harmony, the coconuts bobbing up and down in surprise at the sudden gust of wind. In a matter of seconds the clouds part as the sun shines down in forte, proclaiming its arrival with its triumphant rays that pierce across the azure sky. Two parakeets perched on a telephone pole cackle as they look about in amusement. On the soft red earth, between the tall blades of green grass, an army of ants make their way out of a tiny hole in the ground. Morning is here, and we are the ones who bring it to you.