Now isn't this nice...

If you think that my blood on your hands will make it easier, then you are mistaken.
You can clean them and wash them and dry them till you skin starts to come off, but the dark spots shall remain, pulsating with memories. Beneath your nails, bits and pieces of my skin will hide, waiting to be discovered. Perhaps even a hair strand or two that somehow made their way to you. But you’ll keep them well now, won’t you? Yes, you’ll take good care of them; make sure that they are looked after. And one afternoon, with the sun gleaming on your shiny face, you’ll step outside on to the patio and stand barefoot next to the lilies. You’ll gaze at them with such tenderness, with such love, and be filled with all the hope in the world. And as you collect your ever-so-profound thoughts, my blood will start flowing down from the petals and pool around your feet, seeping up to your face until it blinds you.

Eyes Wide Shut

Surrounded in a pile of bitter bile
A blind man chokes on a crust of hope
His silent rages festers in his mind
Like the fungus growing on his toe.

Mutated by mutilation
Annihilated by “innovation”
Left with his amputation
He no longer dreams of salvation.

They cross his path
They ignore his out-reached hand
They lower their gaze in shame
They no longer see him as a man.

He shouts out praises
He screams out dreadful curses
He is a prisoner in this rotting cell
Trapped till death in this hell.

The sun burns his back
The wind hurts his bones
Dirt-filled nails claw for food
With an empty stomach, he dies alone.

Samajh (Understanding)

For you...because I love you so.

I hold you close
To protect, to keep safe and loved
To have you near me at all times.

I hold you close
To avoid missing you
To have you in my heart, my soul, my mind.

I hold you tight
To express to you how strongly I feel
For I fear that you do not understand.

I hold you tight
To let you know that I care
And that I am here to give you a hand.

And now you want me to let go
And now you wish to loosen this embrace
This embrace that can be broken
But our ties shall always remain.


Pyar tumhain kitna kartay hain,
Tum yeh samajh nahin pao gay
Jab hum na hongay to peharwa
Bolo kya tab aao gay...
~Khamaj, Fuzon

The Girl with Nine Lives

In her first life, she was bold, brave, daring and happy/
-- -- -- -- -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -/In her second life, she was slightly timid but loving and gentle, and as always, curious...

In her third life, she was born amongst strangers and lost/
-- -- -- - -- -- --- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -/In her fourth life, she was amongst her own kind, yet still lost with more challenges to face than ever before

In her fifth life, she was withdrawn, ignorant and aloof/
- -- -- -- -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - /In her sixth life, she blossomed and lived in a world full of drama and tragedy

In her seventh life, she expanded her world and took on new challenges/
- -- -- -- -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - /In her eighth life, she was much wiser and had a greater sense of self-awareness

In her ninth life, she lived to tell it all.

immortality

i want to paint...all of it...capture every moment and represent it exactly the way it is...this is what this is, actually, capturing it and leaving it exactly the way it is...leaving it behind, for you and for them to see, to judge, to laugh at, to speculate on, to muse, to empathize with.....it's not too illogical. we all want to be remembered after we're gone...leave a legacy behind...

i wanted to alter the picture, however...i mean, it would still have it all, but minus the "bad" colors...selfish acts, cruel words, and god knows how many stupid mistakes...but those colors will still be there, waiting, on the pallate...and you can't just ignore them, so might as well use them to create something truthful, albeit not so pretty...
we create lists...lists of flaws and lists of qualities and smear them around...do's and don'ts...should's and shoudn't have's....successes and failures...all splotches of different size and dimensions and colors and proportions and magnitudes and weight and texture and tastes and smells and sounds...our grievances in bold heavily-leaded gray, our regrets in pale sour orange, our happiest moments in hues of sparkling fresh fuchsia and citrusy canary-chirping yellow...

i once had a genius idea for a mind-imaging machine...now, this is not to be confused with the already existing brain-imaging machine, for that is only used for fMRIs and PET scans and neuroscience...this would recreate what the MIND sees...images of your memories would flash on the screen as you sat on a reclining chair with wires attached to your head, your heart, your mouth, your nose, your finger tips, your toes and your genitalia...and the images would show what your MIND'S eye sees...there wouldn't be a need for cameras anymore, because this baby could show your kids exactly what all your friends looked like in high school, all you'd have to do is close your eyes, and ignore the hum of the machines that surround you...i should get to work on it...maybe it can be named after me...

the quest for immortality continues...forget fighting aging, we'll fight death altogether...we'll cheat it and scurry around the corner and hope that it misses us along its path of destruction...

if not, atleast we'll have left the paintings behind.