A Lesson in Herstory - The Tower of Shame
We looked down below the tips of our toes into the valley. The hushed green beauty of it all really took our breath away, and we stared silently at the awe-inspiring scenery. It was still early morning, so the air was moist with the morning dew. The wind was cold, but we stood there, oblivious of time and space, taking deep breaths as we recovered from our long-winded trek.
"I still remember when they told me about this place," zhe said. "You should've seen me, I had this vivid imagination back then, so I was totally engrossed in the story, imagining this place over and over in my head...and it's even more magical than how I thought it would be, you know?"
"Yeah, and it sure beats the hell outta Grand Canyon," I replied.
Zhe laughed and I turned to look at zir. I was glad I had made this trip with zir, we had planned it out well, and zhe really deserved all the credit for it.
"So...is that it?" I asked, pointing towards the tower. It was about 2 and half miles away from us, easily visible since all the trees and bushes around it had been chopped down.
"Yup, that's it," zhe replied, "You ready to walk yet, or would you rather get some rest first?"
"I'm good, and I want to get back before it gets dark...no point in wasting time."
Zhe looked at me in disbelief. "Wasting time? Wasting time?! Are you out of your mind, why do you always think like that, why can't you just ever let yourself go and enjoy the moment?"
I looked at zir straight in the eyes and said "Let's not ruin this by picking out each other's imperfections, ok?"
Zhe sighed and we started walking again, this time in complete silence. The air smelled like fresh tea leaves, with traces of some wild flowers and berries which colored our path. As we got closer to the tower, the foliage became sparse, with big bare patches of dried earth in between. The wind started to shift, harsher now with a brutal force, tearing up my eyes.
The tower was taller than I thought, probably standing at about 200 ft. Attached to it was a small barn, which upon closer inspection turned out the be the entrance. It looked lifeless, baren and lonesome. A dry well stood in the center, with a wooden basket creaking as the winds fought with the ropes.
"Are you ready for this?" zhe asked me, nervously looking up at the tower. I followed zir gaze to a small window at the top, barely visible from down below. There may have been someone watching us, but I wasn't sure so I kept quite.
Suddenly the main door swung open. I wasn't sure if it was the wind or if someone had pushed it open, but I figured that if we had made it this far, there was nothing left to do but go in. We exchanged glances and walked inside.
A tall woman stood in the darkness, hold a candle. Her face wasn't clearly visible, but from what I could tell she was older than she appeared. Her hair was white and tied up in a bun, and she wore a simple long-sleeved black dress that hung down to her ankles.
I heard zir take a deep breath as zhe said "Hi, we had spoken to you about our visit here. I'm sorry we're late, but the walk took longer than we thought, and I hope we didn't inconvenience you in any way."
"That's fine, dear, we're not used to that many visitors here anyways, so it's quite alright." She replied. Her voice was raspy but curt and it echoed up the tower.
"We?" zhe said, giving me a sideways glance. "I thought you lived here alone."
"Hmm," said the woman, smiling from the corner of her mouth. She didn't say anything further, and I shrugged my shoulders when zhe turned to look at me. "Why don't we get started," she said, turning around and walking towards the stairway.
"You ok?" zhe whispered as we followed the woman up the stairs. "You look like you might be sick."
"I'm fine," I whispered back, "Just a little worn out, but..." I shut up as the woman turned around to glare at us. "Sorry," I apologized, and nodded that she continue walking.
The grey stones of the tower echoed our footsteps up the dingy wooden stairs. Every 6 or 7 steps there was a dwindling candle close to the wall, ready to die out.
"This tower is laden with many levels, as you shall come to see," said the woman. "I understand that you might be mislead by what you see, but you'll have to abandon your preconcieved notions of space as you work your way to the top."
"Good lord..."abandon our preconcieved notions"..." I muttered under my breath. I heard zir stiffle a giggle.
We stopped infront of a door atop the stairway, atleast, what I figured was atop the stairway. The woman took out a set of keys from her pocket and open the door with a swift click.
I was expecting a small room, given the size of the rest of the tower, but what I saw instead was a grand hallway, dimly lit by more of those dwindling candles mounted on each side of the walls. Large paintings hung on either side, and random artifacts cluttered the space.
"This is the first room you will see, and there are 3 more like this." The woman explained."The fourth room is the one at the top, and you can only get there if you collect the correct items from each of the previous rooms."
"Uh...so what happens if we don't collect the correct items," zhe asked, clearing zir throat.
"Then you go back down the way you came," she replied, looking at zir as if that wasn't really an option.
I started walking around the room. There was a baby grand piano on my left, covered with dust, and a rusty harp sitting next to it. An old globe sat atop a coffee table on my right, along with some small wooden animal figures. The room stank of dust balls and moths, and reminded me of my grandmother's closet we had tucked away in the corner of the basement. I turned to look at zir, who was also walking around, picking up certain objects and examining them.
I felt as if something moved behind me, and looked up at one of the large paintings. It depicted a group of young children running naked in a grassy clearing, chasing what appeared to be butterflies. The artist had chosen to blur some of the children, while others were painted so vividly I could almost here them laughing.
"Oh crap, check this out," zhe called. I walked over to where zhe was standing. It was an old fish tank, filled with murky green-brown water and a couple of dead gold fish floating on the top, staring at us blankly. A little plastic scuba diver sent bubble up from a corner while a mossy clam shell opened and closed. "I think I'm going to throw up," zhe said, backing away from the tank.
"Thanks for sharing this with me," I said, walking to another painting. This one had a woman and a man sitting on stool across from each other, both wearing plain white gowns. Behind them, the wall had a solitary vase that looked as if it was suspended in mid-air. As I stepped back to get better look, I knocked over a wooden crate filled with marbles. "I'm so sorry!" I cried, trying to gather them up.
"It's all right, dear," the woman said, waiting patiently for us at the opposite end of the room. A clock resting on a worn out leather sofa struck 11, and the entire room boomed with each chime.
I somehow managed to get the marbles back into the crate and carried it with me to the woman. "Are we ready?" she asked, as zhe carried a telescope and a fishing rod to the door.
"Yes, let's get to the next room," zhe said.
The woman opened the other door, and this time stepped aside so that we could walk in first. This room was also set up like the previous one, with the candles and paintings on the wall, but less clutter and more open space. The objects in the room were more organized in small boxes and shelves, and so I guess that's why the room seemed bigger.
"I'll stand at the other end of the room while the two of you gather what you need." said the woman as she walked off.
We looked around the shelves and boxes, opening some of the up to see what was inside. "Atleast this one smells better," zhe said to me softly. And zhe was right, this room had more of a varnished smell. Zhe pulled out a rifle from one of the boxes, as I looked at some of the blown-glass creations atop the shelves. i picked up a strange oblong one, with saphire blue and orange colors running through it. I put it in the crate with the marbles, and picked out a small painting that I could fit in it. This one showed a family of ducks wading in a pond, while another bird (some type of crane) stood in the water with a fish in its mouth.
I walked over to the woman, who was watching zir carry the fishing rod, telescope, rifle and a green flower vase towards us. I saw that this end of the room had two doors, exactly the same size. The woman followed my gaze and said "There are two doors here because you will have to enter the third room seperately."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you are both similar and different in ways that conflicts with your identities, you each will have your own third room to pick and choose from. Once you have collected your objects, you will place them in the fireplace and burn them with a match. If they catch fire, then it means you have collected the correct objects, and the smoke will open the last door to the fourth room."
"So if they don't catch fire, we go back down?" zhe asked, annoyed as I was about being on our own as if this was some sort of competition.
"Only one of you can go back down, the other with access to the fourth room will finish you came here for."
"This is not what we were told, there were no such conditions!" zhe cried.
"I'm sorry, but you were told not to hold any expectations or conclusions of your own," she replied as she walked back in to the second room.
We stared at each other for a while. "So, what do you want to do?" I asked.
"This is just...I mean...it wasn't supposed to be like this."
I looked at zir artifacts. "I know what you mean, but we did come this far, and she's right about the expecations crap, as much as I hate to admit it."
Zhe looked at me and cocked zir head. "So you're saying you're ok with it being like this?"
"I guess...unless you want to drop the whole thing."
Zhe sighed."No, let's finish it off," zhe said and gathered zir things. I stopped zir and hugged zir, and zhe hugged me back.
I watched as zhe opened zir door and walked in. I opened mine, and saw a completely different arrangement. This room looked the most out of place, set up very modern, almost as if I was in someone's house. I saw the fireplace the woman had mentioned, and set my things down next to it. The room was carpeted in red, with red sofas and chairs and throw pillows. There was no other furniture in the room, and the walls were bare, also red in color, and a lamp hung from the ceiling wall. Each throw pillow had a different copper object on it, except one which had a candle and a match. I picked up a copper rose from one pillow and a copper coin from another pillow and put it in the wooden crate. I picked up the pillow with the candle and matches on it and threw it in the fireplace, and set the wooden crate on top. I wondered if I should grab something else, but I was tired of waiting and so I lit the candle and and held it as I threw the match in the fireplace and waited.
nothing happened
I thought I could cheat, so I lit another match and threw it in. No flame, no smoke, nothing. I sighed and walked back out to the second room. I turned to see that there was no second door anymore, and instead there was a painting where the door had been. This one showed a cobble-stone road in a deserted village, and a stray-looking dog sniffing at some garbage. I started walking back where we had come from, disgusted and defeated. It took me a long time to get out, and I didn't see the woman on my way out. I left the tower without looking back, and again I felt like someone was watching me, perhaps from that window on the top.
"I still remember when they told me about this place," zhe said. "You should've seen me, I had this vivid imagination back then, so I was totally engrossed in the story, imagining this place over and over in my head...and it's even more magical than how I thought it would be, you know?"
"Yeah, and it sure beats the hell outta Grand Canyon," I replied.
Zhe laughed and I turned to look at zir. I was glad I had made this trip with zir, we had planned it out well, and zhe really deserved all the credit for it.
"So...is that it?" I asked, pointing towards the tower. It was about 2 and half miles away from us, easily visible since all the trees and bushes around it had been chopped down.
"Yup, that's it," zhe replied, "You ready to walk yet, or would you rather get some rest first?"
"I'm good, and I want to get back before it gets dark...no point in wasting time."
Zhe looked at me in disbelief. "Wasting time? Wasting time?! Are you out of your mind, why do you always think like that, why can't you just ever let yourself go and enjoy the moment?"
I looked at zir straight in the eyes and said "Let's not ruin this by picking out each other's imperfections, ok?"
Zhe sighed and we started walking again, this time in complete silence. The air smelled like fresh tea leaves, with traces of some wild flowers and berries which colored our path. As we got closer to the tower, the foliage became sparse, with big bare patches of dried earth in between. The wind started to shift, harsher now with a brutal force, tearing up my eyes.
The tower was taller than I thought, probably standing at about 200 ft. Attached to it was a small barn, which upon closer inspection turned out the be the entrance. It looked lifeless, baren and lonesome. A dry well stood in the center, with a wooden basket creaking as the winds fought with the ropes.
"Are you ready for this?" zhe asked me, nervously looking up at the tower. I followed zir gaze to a small window at the top, barely visible from down below. There may have been someone watching us, but I wasn't sure so I kept quite.
Suddenly the main door swung open. I wasn't sure if it was the wind or if someone had pushed it open, but I figured that if we had made it this far, there was nothing left to do but go in. We exchanged glances and walked inside.
A tall woman stood in the darkness, hold a candle. Her face wasn't clearly visible, but from what I could tell she was older than she appeared. Her hair was white and tied up in a bun, and she wore a simple long-sleeved black dress that hung down to her ankles.
I heard zir take a deep breath as zhe said "Hi, we had spoken to you about our visit here. I'm sorry we're late, but the walk took longer than we thought, and I hope we didn't inconvenience you in any way."
"That's fine, dear, we're not used to that many visitors here anyways, so it's quite alright." She replied. Her voice was raspy but curt and it echoed up the tower.
"We?" zhe said, giving me a sideways glance. "I thought you lived here alone."
"Hmm," said the woman, smiling from the corner of her mouth. She didn't say anything further, and I shrugged my shoulders when zhe turned to look at me. "Why don't we get started," she said, turning around and walking towards the stairway.
"You ok?" zhe whispered as we followed the woman up the stairs. "You look like you might be sick."
"I'm fine," I whispered back, "Just a little worn out, but..." I shut up as the woman turned around to glare at us. "Sorry," I apologized, and nodded that she continue walking.
The grey stones of the tower echoed our footsteps up the dingy wooden stairs. Every 6 or 7 steps there was a dwindling candle close to the wall, ready to die out.
"This tower is laden with many levels, as you shall come to see," said the woman. "I understand that you might be mislead by what you see, but you'll have to abandon your preconcieved notions of space as you work your way to the top."
"Good lord..."abandon our preconcieved notions"..." I muttered under my breath. I heard zir stiffle a giggle.
We stopped infront of a door atop the stairway, atleast, what I figured was atop the stairway. The woman took out a set of keys from her pocket and open the door with a swift click.
I was expecting a small room, given the size of the rest of the tower, but what I saw instead was a grand hallway, dimly lit by more of those dwindling candles mounted on each side of the walls. Large paintings hung on either side, and random artifacts cluttered the space.
"This is the first room you will see, and there are 3 more like this." The woman explained."The fourth room is the one at the top, and you can only get there if you collect the correct items from each of the previous rooms."
"Uh...so what happens if we don't collect the correct items," zhe asked, clearing zir throat.
"Then you go back down the way you came," she replied, looking at zir as if that wasn't really an option.
I started walking around the room. There was a baby grand piano on my left, covered with dust, and a rusty harp sitting next to it. An old globe sat atop a coffee table on my right, along with some small wooden animal figures. The room stank of dust balls and moths, and reminded me of my grandmother's closet we had tucked away in the corner of the basement. I turned to look at zir, who was also walking around, picking up certain objects and examining them.
I felt as if something moved behind me, and looked up at one of the large paintings. It depicted a group of young children running naked in a grassy clearing, chasing what appeared to be butterflies. The artist had chosen to blur some of the children, while others were painted so vividly I could almost here them laughing.
"Oh crap, check this out," zhe called. I walked over to where zhe was standing. It was an old fish tank, filled with murky green-brown water and a couple of dead gold fish floating on the top, staring at us blankly. A little plastic scuba diver sent bubble up from a corner while a mossy clam shell opened and closed. "I think I'm going to throw up," zhe said, backing away from the tank.
"Thanks for sharing this with me," I said, walking to another painting. This one had a woman and a man sitting on stool across from each other, both wearing plain white gowns. Behind them, the wall had a solitary vase that looked as if it was suspended in mid-air. As I stepped back to get better look, I knocked over a wooden crate filled with marbles. "I'm so sorry!" I cried, trying to gather them up.
"It's all right, dear," the woman said, waiting patiently for us at the opposite end of the room. A clock resting on a worn out leather sofa struck 11, and the entire room boomed with each chime.
I somehow managed to get the marbles back into the crate and carried it with me to the woman. "Are we ready?" she asked, as zhe carried a telescope and a fishing rod to the door.
"Yes, let's get to the next room," zhe said.
The woman opened the other door, and this time stepped aside so that we could walk in first. This room was also set up like the previous one, with the candles and paintings on the wall, but less clutter and more open space. The objects in the room were more organized in small boxes and shelves, and so I guess that's why the room seemed bigger.
"I'll stand at the other end of the room while the two of you gather what you need." said the woman as she walked off.
We looked around the shelves and boxes, opening some of the up to see what was inside. "Atleast this one smells better," zhe said to me softly. And zhe was right, this room had more of a varnished smell. Zhe pulled out a rifle from one of the boxes, as I looked at some of the blown-glass creations atop the shelves. i picked up a strange oblong one, with saphire blue and orange colors running through it. I put it in the crate with the marbles, and picked out a small painting that I could fit in it. This one showed a family of ducks wading in a pond, while another bird (some type of crane) stood in the water with a fish in its mouth.
I walked over to the woman, who was watching zir carry the fishing rod, telescope, rifle and a green flower vase towards us. I saw that this end of the room had two doors, exactly the same size. The woman followed my gaze and said "There are two doors here because you will have to enter the third room seperately."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you are both similar and different in ways that conflicts with your identities, you each will have your own third room to pick and choose from. Once you have collected your objects, you will place them in the fireplace and burn them with a match. If they catch fire, then it means you have collected the correct objects, and the smoke will open the last door to the fourth room."
"So if they don't catch fire, we go back down?" zhe asked, annoyed as I was about being on our own as if this was some sort of competition.
"Only one of you can go back down, the other with access to the fourth room will finish you came here for."
"This is not what we were told, there were no such conditions!" zhe cried.
"I'm sorry, but you were told not to hold any expectations or conclusions of your own," she replied as she walked back in to the second room.
We stared at each other for a while. "So, what do you want to do?" I asked.
"This is just...I mean...it wasn't supposed to be like this."
I looked at zir artifacts. "I know what you mean, but we did come this far, and she's right about the expecations crap, as much as I hate to admit it."
Zhe looked at me and cocked zir head. "So you're saying you're ok with it being like this?"
"I guess...unless you want to drop the whole thing."
Zhe sighed."No, let's finish it off," zhe said and gathered zir things. I stopped zir and hugged zir, and zhe hugged me back.
I watched as zhe opened zir door and walked in. I opened mine, and saw a completely different arrangement. This room looked the most out of place, set up very modern, almost as if I was in someone's house. I saw the fireplace the woman had mentioned, and set my things down next to it. The room was carpeted in red, with red sofas and chairs and throw pillows. There was no other furniture in the room, and the walls were bare, also red in color, and a lamp hung from the ceiling wall. Each throw pillow had a different copper object on it, except one which had a candle and a match. I picked up a copper rose from one pillow and a copper coin from another pillow and put it in the wooden crate. I picked up the pillow with the candle and matches on it and threw it in the fireplace, and set the wooden crate on top. I wondered if I should grab something else, but I was tired of waiting and so I lit the candle and and held it as I threw the match in the fireplace and waited.
nothing happened
I thought I could cheat, so I lit another match and threw it in. No flame, no smoke, nothing. I sighed and walked back out to the second room. I turned to see that there was no second door anymore, and instead there was a painting where the door had been. This one showed a cobble-stone road in a deserted village, and a stray-looking dog sniffing at some garbage. I started walking back where we had come from, disgusted and defeated. It took me a long time to get out, and I didn't see the woman on my way out. I left the tower without looking back, and again I felt like someone was watching me, perhaps from that window on the top.
posted by sing-song @ 8:28 PM
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