Reaching out

I have no songs to sing

No lyrics to bring to life

I have no voice to use

And no one can tell me why

I lost my path to somewhere

It's too late to retrace my steps

I'm waiting out the time now

But first let me catch my breath

And I just want your embrace

And I just want to hold you close

And I just want to know that everything will be ok

I'm reaching out...

Oh, whenever you said "Believe me"

I trusted your every word

My conviction in you kept me safe

Didn't know how much it would hurt

I was good, I was bad, I was honest

Never would I lie to you

But the deceit you gave in return

Made everything come untrue

And I just want your embrace

And I just want to hold you close

And I just want to know that everything will be ok

I'm reaching out...

Oh will there be something

Waiting for me

On the other side?

Will you match me, dear

Willingly, will you join me,

I don't want you to be obliged

And I just want your embrace

And I just want to hold you close

And I just want to know that everything will be ok

I'm reaching out...

Fueling Fires

Fires were fueled

As emotions dueled

Across the battlefield

Hearts had to stop

To sit back and watch

Eyes shedding the tears

Crusted and molding

Bitter pus-oozing sores

Be-jewel my very core

i'M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH

im running out of time

i'm running out on you

i'm running, running to save my mind

The lines on my palms

Stir up a storm

So unfamiliar, this skin

But you, stranger

Are strangest of all

From outside and from within

So unbelievable, my emotions

They took you by surprise

So you cast them aside,

You brushed them away

Pretend they were small

But you lose me anyway

These fires are soaring

Fueled to new heights

Plunging to new depths

tAKE NOTE, OH NAIVE ONE

Before you meet our death.

Whose (who's) truth?

My story versus your story

whose truth are we vying for here?

My damages and your hurts

neither one is spared

My wins and losses

Your facts and lies

Select wisely

Before this relationship dies

I suffer my pains alone

Longingly looking at you, love

Not knowing the bruises you have inflicted

With those words you did not say

You creep away slowly,

As if pushed aside by an invisible force

Or perhaps it is something else

The true voice of your heart that pulls you away

How how how how

How could you, could i, would i

Who's truth, what does she want

Do we accept, reject, or deny?

These words, these letters,

Spill out so b r o k e n l y

Spewing alongside the rivers of my blood

That flows so freely

My softer innards

Gushing forth from your wounds

I scratched, you bled

You cheated, I fled

I fled for cover

To hide my vulnerability

While I give you shelter

Behind my masked smiles and my gentle words

I cradle your ego

As boils burst beneath my skin

The rage, it quiets

The truth of our two worlds.

Vulnerable

- capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon

- open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc

- (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend

this is very difficult for me to do. it takes every ounce of energy in my cells to keep me from running away. i want to hide, cower, shield myself from being in a vulnerable state. so now i'm combatting my defenses and forcing myself to do what doesn't feel natural. it's enough to give me a migraine if i think about it for long. the anger and resentment tries to creep in, probably to protect, and i have to shake it off to come back to being vulnerable.